fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
