I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
