My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
