My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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