Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
