I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
