well I can't set my house on fire every night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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