NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
