He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
