I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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