yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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