screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
