I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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