We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
