I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
