I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
