I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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