if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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