When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
