how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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