There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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