Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
