Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
