Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dignity is for republicans.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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