Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
