Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
