Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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