my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
