I just cut my nipple shaving
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
