i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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