Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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