don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
