So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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