I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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