what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it because I queefed?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
