walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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