im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
