You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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