Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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