doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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