I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
