kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
