weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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