I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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