hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
