Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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