If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
