She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
