I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
