He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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