You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
