fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
