we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
