Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
