It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
