just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
