I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
sex in a hospital.. check
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
