Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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