I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
