We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
